Pioneer day, and I've been in Seattle a month, today

And I don't get this ridiculous Utah holiday off in Washington? No, no I do not. Really for us non-Mormons, it's just another excuse to get drunk an blow shit up. Instead, today I will be getting back on the good girl horse. Today I'm going to the gym, conveniently located in my building. Then I'm going to detox my pain ridden back in the hot tub, conveniently located outside my building. It's about time I start taking better care of myself, and reduce the stress of therapy, productivity, bills, new city lifestyle, and old city homesickness. I've always thrived in routine, but lately my routine consists of work and weeds, work and weeds. And the ever present traffic. Man, I fucking hate traffic. Shoulda listened to my dad about moving back into a big city. Happy 1 month anniversary to Seattle and I. It's a tough relationship, Seattle thwarts my ability to find like minded folk and I thwart Seattle from my social presence. Double edged cliched motherfucking sword.

I thought grad school ended with graduation...?

It's nearly 1am on a Monday night, and I am still awake. Watching a thrilling redbox movie? Reading a Tom Robbins book? Talking on the phone with my best friend? No. I am doing research. SLP research. Looking up any and all information regarding treatment of geriatric patients with zero verbal communication skills. Reading articles and presentations and school books. Writing therapy lesson plan ideas. And feeling like I actually have not graduated. If there is anything my externships taught me, it's that they didn't teach me enough. Well, just not for this patient care setting. I miss Intermountain Outpatient Neuro Rehab and the Voice and Swallowing Center at LDS Hospital. I even miss the University of Utah Speech Language and Hearing Clinic, AND my little kid clients!

Fellow clinicians who may be reading this: feel free to send me any therapy ideas for nonverbal patients with only stereotypies, some gestural expression, and fair comprehension skills.

the no good very bad horrible terrible day

If you are an SLP, and you haven't worked in a SNF or assisted living facility, with the geriatric patient, and you cry easily, then I highly DO NOT recommend working there. I have never had this experience before, of working with unmotivated patients. No one wants my help (save for one particular voice patient), they physically push me away because they don't have the communication skills to tell me to go away. My productivity SUCKS. I feel like I am sinking into a hole of professional despair.

I miss scheduled therapy visits. A routine. Materials galore. Resources handed to me from supervisors. Patient histories discussed. Full evaluations given. Instrumentation. Guidelines that make sense. Shelves of MATERIALS. Ideas. I miss Intermountain HealthCare. I miss the University of Utah. I'd rather spend my evenings creating my own therapy materials and piecing together therapy ideas from the closet at the school clinic, rather than reading through my school notes for some semblance of a therapy plan idea and then not having any materials to use for the pseudo plan that I come up with.

After being completely ignored by one patient, then told she wanted to go back to sleep by another patient, and then physically pushed by another, I couldn't help but cry. And I couldn't stop crying. I'm not a person who cries at work! I'm a good therapist. I've been praised to no end by my supervisors. I thought working in the school system was hard and disadvantaged, but now, I would definitely choose that over this. And it's only been my 3rd day.

Seattle is proving to be one of the greatest emotional challenges I've faced.

28 & a coffee, please?

Coffee, bagel with cream cheese.
Brand new binders organized by disorder.
Working. Hopefully solo.
Picking up Kristin downtown (yay!)
Here's to hopefully not having the worst birthday.